Copyright 2007 by John T. Reed

Three points:

1. The content of the message
2. The release of the message to the media and the playing of the message by the media
3. The lessons to be learned

Content

There but for the grace of God goes half the people in the world.

When it came on the radio, I asked my wife, “What is that awful stuff?”

“Alec Baldwin leaving a message for his 11-year-old daughter.”

“Jeez! Why is it on the radio?”

The second and third times it came on on TV, I pushed the mute button. I couldn’t stand listening to it.

But I also figured that probably half to two-thirds of all the people on earth have launched at least one similar diatribe in their lives—probably a higher percentage of those who have been through nasty divorces.

Are there people who never, ever raise their voices? I guess. Diane Keaton played WASP Annie Hall in that Woody Allen movie and had the line, “In my family, the worst thing you could ever do was raise your voice.” (Woody’s answer: “In my family the worst thing you could do was pay retail.”)

People who never raise their voices creep me out. Everyone has occasion to experience the full range of emotions. The fact that many pretend not to experience anger is dishonest and phony and I wonder if keeping such pressure inside does not adversely affect their mental health.

I doubt that any of those self-righteously denouncing Baldwin’s words would like the worst thing they have ever said recorded and played on TV.

I have no doubt that Baldwin loves his daughter and regrets the message.

Release of the tape to the media

I do not know who decided to release the phone tape to the media, but I see no legitimate benefit to anyone from doing so. Apparently, the releaser wants to hurt Baldwin as much as possible and to make the pain of the message last as long as possible for all those who were pained by it, namely, Alec Baldwin and his daughter.

In this case, the phrase, “There but for the grace of God goes half the people in the world” applies to Alec Baldwin. It does not apply to the person who released that tape to the media. That was almost uniquely evil and mean.

Playing the tape on the media

If I had a radio show, I would not play the tape. If I commented on it, I would just say, “A very angry, frustrated Alec Baldwin left a ranting-and-raving phone message for his eleven-year-old daughter whom he apparently concluded was refusing to pick up the phone when he called. He and Kim Bassinger have had a bitter divorce and bitter custody fight. The message is awful but does not seem to prove anything other than that Baldwin is capable of getting really angry at his daughter. I do not deem it to be noteworthy or newsworthy and it certainly is not pleasant to listen to. The fact that someone released it to the media and that the media played it over and over is mildly newsworthy.”

Lessons to be learned

1. Be very, very careful whom you marry. I wrote a book called Succeeding which says if you pick the right career and the right spouse you will probably be pretty happy and successful. One of the longest chapters in the book is about spouse choice. The main message is to shop around far more extensively and systematically than the vast majority of people do. I would have thought that movie stars like Baldwin and Bassinger would have probably done that.
2. I have never been divorced. My wife and I have our 32nd anniversary in May, 2007. So far so good. Our three sons are grown except for a college sophomore. But it appears even to my inexperienced-in-such-matters mind that the parents must remember and adhere to the principle that the welfare of the children must be paramount in any divorce.
3. Be very, very careful what you say in a situation where you might be recorded. I would have thought that a Hollywood actor like Baldwin would have learned that lesson long ago. Can “I was drunk” and a trip to the Betty Ford Center be far behind?
4. The old advice that you ought to wait a day or two after you get angry before you do or say anything regarding the matter you might regret is still good advice.

John T. Reed